Amber Barr intro
AMBER BARR: That was what was hard for me at the beginning. I said that, it’s not that I didn’t trust her to leave work for her but, I couldn’t wrap around, I couldn’t wrap it around in my head, that she was going to be there. I felt like I had the same amount of work but I only had a couple of days to do it. And gradually, I started to remember, “Oh yeah, she’s capable. And oh yeah, she really likes this part of it!” And everything got done. And once I realized, “Oh my week’s over, but the librarian’s week is not over.”
Introduction
INTRO: Welcome to Job Share Revolution. The show about job sharing—a partnership between two people to bring two minds and skill sets to one full-time position. I’m Melissa Nicholson, former job sharer turned founder of the first U.S. job share company. But it wasn’t long ago that I felt like an utter failure at work and as a new parent. Job sharing was my game-changer. I reclaimed four days a week to fully engage in my life while my capable partner handled everything. Together, we achieved more than I ever could solo. Fast forward to many lessons learned to bring you the training and support I wish I’d had to change lives and the modern-day workplace. Let’s live life and slay work.
Melissa NICHOLSON
MELISSA NICHOLSON: Hey there, beautiful human. It’s Mel, and I am so glad you are here with me for today’s solo episode of Jobshare Revolution and our lesson-based series.
Before we jump in—if you’ve ever thought of someone who could benefit from sharing their job but who may be just a little bit afraid of giving up control (who isn’t, hello party of one – that’s me!), I would love for you to share this episode with a friend—maybe someone who’s feeling overwhelmed, thinking about job sharing, or needs permission to take a breath. It would mean so much to me.
You know my goal is to spread job sharing and teach as many people as possible how they can create their own rewarding job shares to live life + slay work. Now, let’s get into it, friend.
Today, we are digging into something real. Something I hear from nearly every single person who’s curious about job sharing, especially my high-achieving go-getter clients—that is:
“I’m not so sure job sharing will work for me.”
But most often, their true concern, but one that’s kind of hairy and scary to admit and say out loud is….
“But Mel…what if I can’t give up control?”
Maybe you’ve thought the same thing. Maybe the idea of sharing your job sounds amazing in theory but brings up a big fat knot in your stomach when you imagine someone else doing your actual work at your actual job.
I hear you because I’ve been there. And I want to let you in on a little secret—the very thing you think makes you a bad candidate for job sharing? That fear of not being able to let go? Of handing over the reins to somebody else—not you—to do your J-O-B? It’s actually the reason you’d make a great job share partner.
The fact that you are even worried about it says so much about YOU. So give yourself credit. You’re already thinking about the other person, a future job sharer before you even create your job share.
Think about that: You are so thoughtful that you’re nervous about job sharing because you’re like, “What if I’m too much of a control freak? I wouldn’t want to do that to another person.”
That is the reason that I know that you would be a great job share partner. That’s big. Kudos friend!
So today, we are flipping that fear on its head and turning it into your superpower. And we’re doing it with the help of Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory which I recently read and is perfect for helping you understand how to do it.
Let’s get into it all.
WHY THIS FEAR SHOWS UP
MELISSA NICHOLSON: Let’s start there. The fear of giving up control? It’s real. And it’s especially strong for people like you and me, people like us—people who care deeply about doing great work, have a strong sense of responsibility, and are used to holding it all together. We are used to being the ones everyone looks to for the answers.
You might be thinking:
- “I know how I like things done.”
- “What if they don’t do it the right way?”
- “I’m worried my partner might drop the ball…and it will reflect on me.”
Okay, me too. Hello. I’m raising my hand here. These are all normal fears. But here’s the deal: most job sharers start with these same worries. And the most conscientious job share partners—the ones who become the strongest teams—are often the ones who’ve felt this fear most intensely at the beginning.
It’s not a red flag. It’s a sign you care. Deeply.
ENTER: THE LET THEM THEORY
MELISSA NICHOLSON: Now, let’s talk about this mindset shift—thanks to Mel Robbins and her Let Them Theory. The core of the Let Them Theory is this: When we stop trying to control everything—what people do, how they do it, and how we’re perceived—we create space for peace, growth, and personal freedom.
Just hang here with me for a moment. If your job share partner does something differently than you would, let them. As long as the outcome is great (and it will be), their path might just surprise you and even inspire you.
You have to have faith. But you also have to know that as in any partnership, just like your life partner, it’s a process, and it’s one that takes a bit of time.
During your first few months working together, you may think, “I would NOT do it that way.” Not because you’re a closed-off control freak but because you care so deeply about what you put out there.
Remember, clear is caring, and you have to be brave enough to Let Them execute the task or project without interference. Then, you and your partner can talk about what works and what doesn’t work for you. A time for constructive feedback without personalizing the feedback and making it about something your partner has done “wrong.” And I’m saying that in quotes. So yeah, I’d avoid saying anything along the lines of, “You’re doing this wrong”, or “This is not how I do it.”
For example, you would not want to say, “I would never do it that way.” That only erodes the trust successful job share teams are known for before you have even had time to build it. I mean, job sharing is for the growth-minded. It’s for people who are open to having hard conversations and working on themselves. It’s one of the things that’s so great about it.
One of the most incredible things about job sharing is that, over time, your different styles start to complement each other. You learn from each other. You grow from each other. Eventually, your styles may even meld into one cohesive approach that takes the best of both of you. So it’s just not even you, and it’s not even them—it’s the two of you together. It’s those ideas, it’s that lived background, those experiences that have you come together with these amazing ideas.
And let me tell you, some of the best results come from these differences. You tackle problems from two perspectives. You expand your thinking. And you free yourself from the pressure to carry it all alone.
MY STORY: WHEN I LEARNED TO LET GO
MELISSA NICHOLSON: Let me tell you about when I learned to let go. I distinctly remember experiencing this in my sales and marketing job in the radio industry. It may surprise you that it hit me harder in my second job share.
I think it was because my first partner and I had a very even level of experience and we’d combined our client lists 50/50. We were just very even in that way, like, she knew my clients, I knew her clients, we just had to get to know one another’s clients. There were definitely other issues training like Work Muse’s program Job Share Academy could have helped with. I mean, so many. But this was not the main one.
The biggest memory I have of this, and struggling with this a bit, was in my second job share with my partner Stacy who was so flexible-minded and a perfect fit for job sharing, but had just a few years of experience under her belt in the field compared to my twelve years in the field. And while we did combine clients—we went through those clients lists over the first six months together, and it turned out we got rid of a lot of her clients so—it wasn’t 50/50 but a majority of my former clients, which was just a completely different dynamic, you know? So it was much more like she was sharing my job in a way. She had that motivation and that flexible-minded willingness to come in and learn from me. This is why I think I experienced it.
Now I am a very detail-oriented person…to a fault. I know that. If you get me into a story, you’re going to find out that I’m very detail-oriented. And I really have to watch myself. So one of the things that I took a lot of pride in when I was a marketing and sales representative in radio was creating these integrative, data-driven marketing proposals that would blow my clients away. I was also formerly a producer, I owned a production company with my husband. I was formerly an actor and I had a real appreciation for creative copy and campaign strategy in a way that most AEs just are never trained on, so I distinctly remember opening up our first proposal that my partner had drafted thinking, “This is not what I would have done.” Oh my gosh, I don’t know what to do about this!
At first, I was terrified. Would she do it my way? Would I have to redo her work? (Spoiler alert: I didn’t.)
Here’s what I did: I shared some of my previous proposals with my new partner, and God bless Stacy for being so open, so even-keeled, so good-natured, so willing. But I also knew something from job sharing previously: If I was going to share them, then I had to let go.
Once I let go—I mean, really let go—something shifted. Not only did I realize Stacy was great, but I started learning from her. She brought such a fresh perspective I wouldn’t have thought of, and together, we delivered stellar results for our clients.
And the freedom? Oh my goodness. The peace that came from knowing I didn’t have to hold the bag? It wasn’t just me? I mean, I learned this in my first job share too. But I’ve shared that it wasn’t the easiest job share. But once I had this with Stacy and really leaned into it, it was life-changing.
A REAL WORLD EXAMPLE: AMBER & KIMBERLY
MELISSA NICHOLSON: I thought it would be super helpful to share a Work Muse Job Share Project case study with you so you can hear directly from a job share team who’ve learned to Let Them. Here is Amber Barr and Kimberly Patterson on Amber’s realization when they started job sharing. They began their job share when Amber went on parental leave with the birth of her son. Kim worked in the library full-time as Amber eased back into her role in her job share, just three days a week. Here they are one year into their job share:
AMBER BARR: Throughout the year, this was our checkpoint. And we did it more at the beginning because it was new to us, but there were lots of times where she was like, “Amber, I really feel like you’re carrying more of this and you’re working harder than me,” and I’m like, “But you did this, this and this. And I felt like you were doing so much!”
And every time that we did that, we both thought that the other person might be doing a little bit more than we were. And we thought, “Okay, I guess probably we’re doing about the same amount of work. We’re just doing different work.” And so when we realized if that was the case, then we were okay. And as long as both of us didn’t feel like, “Amber’s slacking off! She’s not coming up because she’s up there with the boys.”
KIMBERLY PATTERSON: Never! (laughs)
AMBER: I know that she never felt that way because the communication was so clear, and we just figured out how to make sure that it was even. And also to tell each other, “Take a break from that. We’ve been working really hard. This other thing is going to come up and it’s going to keep us busy. We need to be refreshed and ready to do that. And it’s okay, I’ve got it!”
That was what was hard for me at the beginning. I said that, it’s not that I didn’t trust her to leave work for her but, I couldn’t wrap around, I couldn’t wrap it around in my head, that she was going to be there. I felt like I had the same amount of work but I only had a couple of days to do it. And gradually, I started to remember, “Oh yeah, she’s capable. And oh yeah, she really likes this part of it!” Or let me give her a choice so she feels really comfortable about what work is left.
And eventually, I just knew, you know. She likes this kind of work and I like this kind of work. So I’m going to prioritize this, and I won’t have time for X, Y and Z, but I can do X and Y, and then she can spend the time on Z. And everything got done. And once I realized, “Oh my week’s over, but the librarian’s week is not over,” (I got it!).
MELISSA: Now you might be thinking, I hear a little tension there still. Let me tell you, job sharing is a learning curve and it takes a bit, especially when one partner is coming into another partner’s full-time job. There are a lot of emotions around returning from a parental leave with your baby too, even with the peace of mind in having your new partner cover during leave or returning to just a few days a week. That’s why my program Job Share Academy is as much about the mindset shifts of working in an intimate team of two, preparing you on how to onramp with ease as it is about the strategies of actually creating your job share.
FROM FEAR TO SUPERPOWER
MELISSA: So how do you shift from a control freak (with love, with love!) to a confident collaborator? How do you make that shift?
Here are three things that I want you to remember:
- Awareness is power.
- If you know this fear is present, you can address it head-on. That is huge.
- Letting go is a skill.
- Like any skill, it takes practice, friend. And you don’t have to be perfect. Job sharing gives you real-life opportunities to build trust. Remember, your job share partner is going through the exact same thing that you are going through. They have to let go just like you have to let go. You’re in it together.
- Different doesn’t mean wrong.
- Your partner’s way might be different, but it might also be better. Or just as good. And you’ll both become stronger for it.
You might even find yourself breathing easier sleeping better, and enjoying your time off more than you ever imagined.
And I want to say this to you. If your job share partner is coming in on your job share. Meaning they are coming in on your job. Really put yourself in their shoes and think about the fact that they might just be a little wary of that. They may be a little nervous about that. You really want to set them at ease. I just think that that is so very important.
And also, vice versa. If you’re coming into somebody else’s job share, it’s just something to think about. Don’t be so timid, you know? You’re coming into someone else’s job but it’s your job together now. It’s just like, you know, moving in together for the first time. It’s like moving in! So just be aware of that.
If this episode spoke to you—if you saw yourself in any of what I shared today—I want you to take one small action:
Grab a pen and jot down this question: Where in my life could I let go, just a little? Where in my life could I let go?
And if you’re serious about job sharing but you worry you can’t let go, I promise you: not only can you do it, you might just become one of the most incredible job sharers out there.
That fear? It’s your signal. And it’s your superpower.
If you have loved this episode, share it with a friend, DM me on LinkedIn and tell me what you thought, or text me right from your podcast app. Hop into our Facebook Group and share what your big fears were. I want to hear them. Let’s keep growing this movement together.
And if you’re interested in learning more about Job Share Academy, I’ll share the link to the waitlist—so you get first-in specials and details—in the show notes link.
Until next week—same time, same place—I’m sending you so much love. And remember, beautiful human: it’s all in you.
Bye for now.
