Melissa NicholsoN INTRO
MELISSA NICHOLSON: This is the year that those habits you want to adopt and maybe a bad habit or two that you want to drop. Yeah. This is the year your habits stick. Like, through the whole year. I’m here to spill the tea. The James Clear tea, that is.
Introduction
INTRO: Welcome to Job Share Revolution. The show about job sharing—a partnership between two people to bring two minds and skill sets to one full-time position. I’m Melissa Nicholson, former job sharer turned founder of the first U.S. job share company. But it wasn’t long ago that I felt like an utter failure at work and as a new parent. Job sharing was my game-changer. I reclaimed four days a week to fully engage in my life while my capable partner handled everything. Together, we achieved more than I ever could solo. Fast forward to many lessons learned to bring you the training and support I wish I’d had to change lives and the modern-day workplace. Let’s live life and slay work.
Melissa NICHOLSON
MELISSA NICHOLSON: Well, hey there friend! Welcome back to the show! Quick housekeeping announcement: You may have noticed the show dropped a few days early. Since we launched in April, we’ve released new episodes every Thursday for you. But starting this week, Jobshare Revolution will come out on Tuesdays. Like everything I teach on the podcast, this is a work-life lesson I hope you’ll steal from me. When something in your professional life is getting in the way of your personal life, if you have the ability, to advocate for the change and how the change will enable you to work more effectively. And if it’s not a regularly scheduled commitment that can be moved, set boundaries around it so it’s manageable and you’re not working yourself to death. That’s one big goal I’ve made for myself in 2025: not overworking while still hitting my goals. So I’ve realized that Thursdays are just harder. My kids are teens, and it’s busier Game days are typically mid to end of the week. Iris plays soccer and basketball. Even those things just for me, like my therapy and Ladies of Brilliance Night, were conflicting with my Thursdays, and I was just finding myself bailing more and more on my family and myself. There’s just more going on in my life at the end of the week. In fact, I bet that there’s a lot going on in your life at the end of the week, and I’m a lot like you! The end of the week is just more chaotic than the start, so I’m making the change and I think it will be good for giving you a great start to your week too!
OK, quick housekeeping #2, and then we are totally done, I promise. I am so glad you are joining us for Day 4 of the Be Your Best Self in 2025 Challenge. If you are just now joining us, let me catch you up! I created the Challenge a few years back to help you lean into your best self with a kinder, gentler approach to manifesting your goals. Your big wishes, hopes, and dreams for the new year. I am over the moon to guide you through each exercise on the pod for this year’s challenge. I consider it an honor. As I shared last week, it’s not a bunch of hooey. There is a real science behind all of this, including the way you’re doing it. By making decisions, writing them down in your workbook—which I am SO proud of the workbook download and print it, if you haven’t already.
This is your challenge workbook. Go to workmuse.com forward slash best self—then, visualizing these exercises that you have written down, come back to that workbook throughout the year, and yes, listen here. It’s all part of it to manifest your goals. These things all work together. This is how it works, and I’ve seen it work. So just trust me on this one. If you want to rewind and listen in, the challenge series starts at Episode 23: What will you leave behind in 2024.
That’s the end of housekeeping. Promise. So before we dive in, let’s pause to celebrate all the progress you have made so far. Over the past few weeks, you have: Let go of the things that no longer serve you. You have chosen your Word of the Year to guide your mindset. And you’ve set 1-3 meaningful, achievable goals for yourself that you will do in 2025. I am just so proud of you.
Can we just take a moment to appreciate how amazing that is? Now here’s the thing about goals: They are only as good as the systems you create to support them. And that is what today is all about, friend. For the Be Your Best Self in Challenge: Day 4 Action: You’re going to ‘James Clear’ your year by building habits that stick, so you can actually achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself.
You’ve probably heard this quote before, but it’s worth repeating: ‘You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.’ That’s from James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits and someone I had the incredible privilege of learning from at a special event. As an entrepreneur, I can tell you that that is absolutely true. And I have taken this advice so seriously. I say to my friends all the time, if only you could see under the hood at Work Muse—all of our SOPs, the standard operating procedures—the systems that allow me to rise to my goals for Work Muse. And it’s true in whatever role you have at the organization you work for. Heck, it even applies to your personal life. If you’re on a Power Pause right now—a little plug for Neha Ruch’s new book reframing the outdated stay-at-home language and paradigm for women, and I am here for it. So if you’re taking a career break or a power pause, whether caring for children or aging parents, having systems can be super useful.
That James Clear. He just has a way of breaking down the process of habit formation that is so clear (OK, pun intended!). But it’s so clear and actionable. His advice helped me completely rethink how I approach my goals—not as a to-do list, but as a series of habits that align with who I want to be.
Because here’s the secret: The goal isn’t just to do more. It’s to be the kind of person who naturally embodies the habits that lead to success. Let that sink in. It has more about who you are being on the inside. For example, the goal isn’t to read more; it’s to BE a reader. The goal isn’t to exercise more; it’s to BE someone who values and prioritizes their health.
Let’s get into the nitty-gritty. James Clear’s research identifies four key stages of habit formation, and they’re surprisingly simple:
- Stage #1: Cue: The cue is the trigger that tells your brain to initiate a habit. Make it obvious.
- Stage #2: Craving: The craving is the prediction that motivates you to act. Make it attractive.
- Stage #3 Response: The response is the action you take. Make it easy.
- Stage #4: Reward: The reward is the outcome that satisfies your craving. Make it satisfying.
So, just to make sure you’ve got it. You need the cue (the trigger), the craving (that motivates you to act), the response (your action), and the reward (that satisfies your craving).
The cue, craving, response, and reward have to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.
One habit I’ve started is working out in a gym with weights. Now before I dive into how I have stuck with it, you have to know something about me; I am not an all-or-nothing kind of person when it comes to exercise. You will never ever see me do a triathlon. I do what is enjoyable to me and I do it moderately. I feel like as long as I can do it consistently, I’m good. So for me, that’s yoga and swimming, those are two of my two faves. Swimming wins the day for me. I find it meditative. I pretend I’m a mermaid and I freakin’ love it. When it’s 110 degrees in Austin, I go early with my friend Elizabeth for sunrise swims at Barton Springs. It is like 68 degrees at Barton Springs or something like that. Crazy. Who needs a cold plunge right? Anyway, lifting weights isn’t really something I would just naturally want to do on my own. I want to be strong as I get older and I know this one thing really matters. Here’s how I apply the 4 Key Stages to working out with weights.
The cue was a set date and time, Tuesday and Fridays at 6:30 am, and our alarm clock. I set my clothes out the night before, coffee prepped and ready to go. At Level 50, I want to feel strong—a super attractive craving to me. For my response, the action: I don’t drive, my guy Mike drives. I groggily get in the car with my coffee and we literally drive around the corner to the gym. It is easy peasy. The reward is having my workout buddy with me. We’re each other’s accountability partners and with such on-the-go lives, with kids and my mom and work and his job and everything, it’s really nice to have something we do together. We really didn’t have that before. We didn’t have something that we did together, I am not going to be running a marathon, people. Just keepin’ it real.
I’m here to spill the tea. The James Clear tea, that is. If you are multitasking come back to me, come back to me, because this is the year that those habits you want to adopt and maybe a bad habit or two that you want to drop. Yeah, I’ve got one and I’m not telling you. My workbook is keeping me accountable with that one, friend. And that’s OK – you can have some of those too. Because this is all for you. This is the year your habits stick. Like, through the whole year.
I am going to use my guy Mike and myself as an example of a habit that become a lifestyle change for both of us. And it’s not the same habit. Before we get started: Grab your Be Your Best Self in 2025 Challenge workbook —you can get the link in the show notes or go to workmuse dot come forward slash best self. Okay, turn to page 11.
I took my cue from the straight-to-it, no-BS James Clear. And my advice to you, and what I did when I took these notes, was print them and post them up right next to my workspace.
Here are James’ best tips for habits that stick:
- Tip #1 – Don’t be all or nothing. A habit must be established before it can be improved.
- Tip #2 – Focus on small improvements. The 1% changes you make consistently add up to big results.
- Tip #3 – Scale down your habits. Start with something so small, it’s impossible to fail. For example, instead of committing to an hour-long workout, start with just 10 minutes.
- Tip #4 – Know the difference between “being” versus “doing” – For example, the goal is to BE a reader, not “I want to read more”
- Tip #5 Your environment matters. Set yourself up for success by creating a physical and social environment that supports your habits, like a group with people who have the same interests. So, that’s really tip numbers five and six.
- Tip #7 – Remember, there is a moment each day that determines the rest of your day. One singular moment. Identify the moment and anchor your habits around it.
So, I’ll be completely honest. I don’t think that I have really done this. I don’t think I have determined the moment each day that determines the rest of my day and then anchored my habits around it.
I talked about Dr. James Doty who is a neuroscientist in Episode 25: Setting Achievable Goals for having you actually be able to manifest and achieve these goals, or stick with these habits, right? But one thing I heard him talk about recently is his own meditation practice. Now, meditation is something I’m just not a great person for meditating. But he had a simple practice that I think is the one that I want to adopt.
His practice was sitting up and doing three deep breaths in the morning, just sitting on the edge of his bed. After he breathes in for six seconds, holds it for six seconds, and then breathes out through his mouth for six seconds. He does it several times. He thinks about the awe and the joy of being in this world and he just sits with that. So that is one of the things that I want to adopt to anchor the other habits that I want to adopt for 2025.
Maybe one of my favorite pieces of wisdom James imparted was his two personal mantras. Use James’ two mantras to stay consistent.
- Mantra #1 – Don’t break the chain.
- Mantra #2 – Never miss twice.
These mantras have been a game-changer for me. They remind me that progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, even if it’s just a little bit.
For James, he applied these two mantras to his newsletter, which he sent daily, as in every day. That’s a commitment. But nobody else was doing it at the time, and his bet paid off. He told himself “Don’t break the chain,” meaning, “Don’t miss a day writing.” But he’s only human, so of course, once in a while, he would miss. That’s when he snuck in with his secret weapon, the second mantra, “Never miss twice.” It was the 1-2 he needed to stay consistent. A daily habit, attractive for the end payoff on hundreds of thousands of subscribers, And then, of course, he had this super loyal mega audience when he launched his book Atomic Habits. Pretty smart, huh?
I want to share two real-life examples of applying James’ advice for habits that you actually keep so that this really really sinks in. One is a habit my husband Mike adopted when he became a runner 5 years ago and one is when I became a vegetarian 13 years ago. Once I learned the Atomic Habits, it made so much sense WHY these are two that have really stuck.
Remember, adopting a habit that sticks is not about throwing yourself in head first. As James says it’s about small, incremental change. Two weekends ago, Mike drove 3 hours, nabbed the top bunk at a camping lodge with his buddies the Ship of Fools running club, and then he ran over9 hours in a 50K…on trails… with rocks. He did NOT start out this way (believe me!). I gently nudged him toward exercising for twenty years, and it had the opposite effect. It just pissed him off and he dug in further.
So, how did he get here then? One day after a weekend celebrating his parents’ 50th anniversary…We had this really great weekend and his brothers all came, so it was all the grandkids…And we were all celebrating his parents’ 50th. But it was seeing his dad’s declining health at that anniversary that did it for him. So he alone decided to do something. And he did not tell me either by the way. The next day, he got up and attempted to run one mile. He couldn’t complete the mile, but every single day he got up and ran a little further…and a little further, until he worked his way up to 5 miles.
Soon he dropped 40 pounds seemingly overnight and his cholesterol completely improved. I could never have dreamed that he would do this! Then, he ran a half marathon! That was such a big moment for him and for our family. We all celebrated Mike’s big achievement. And shortly after that, he joined a motley crew the Ship Running Club, and I am positive it is why he was able to run the Austin Marathon last February and the 50K two weeks ago. Five years later he hasn’t stopped and I think it is safe to say, it is a total lifestyle change with a habit that’s stuck.
Think about it. He ran every day without missing a beat. And if he missed a day, he shrugged it off and picked it back up the next day. He was consistent. He didn’t try to run fast or far, just a mile to start out. He’s a problem solver with a math brain and so he sets up his environment for success by tracking running, his sleep, and overall health with a watch and the Strava app. Which is also like community and accountability, right? That would never work for my personality type, but it totally works for Mike. He runs daily but he goes to the Ship running club 3 times a week, including Saturdays super early. He goes to bed early and sets out his clothes and his running shoes, even his socks. He sets up his coffee so he can make it first thing. I mean, you can check these off James’ list – consistency, with small improvements, check. Community of people who share your habits. That’s the Ship running group and even his Strava app, check. Setting up his physical environment. Check. He makes it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. And he definitely identifies as a runner, not someone who runs.
So there is no doubt in my head that this is why he’s stuck with it. And I’m so happy because he’s gonna outlive me. And that’s my dream.
But maybe I’ll outlive him with my diet! Here is how I became a vegetarian. I accidentally watched an infomercial late one night on PBS. The host was Dr. Joel Fuhrman and he went through case study after case study of all of these patients. Patient after patient, he revealed how they’d adopted his diet and they went from eight or more medications to zero. How they reversed their heart disease and diabetes even. The audience was filled with blue hair and I was in my thirties but I was mesmerized. Then he would reveal that the person had been a patient 18 years and reversed their disease. I was so shocked! And the big reveal was that the patient was 90 flippin’ years old. So, I bought his book “Eat to Live.” I devoured it, and once I knew the information, I just couldn’t un-know it. I’m a third-generation Texan from a smallish town. Nobody I knew growing up was a vegetarian.
The book basically teaches you how to eat the most nutritionally dense food with a plant-based diet. Now, I am not super strict, I’m not all or nothing. I’m a vegetarian who chooses when I add dairy. I’m selective about it and sometimes I’m a pescatarian. Maybe a couple of times a month. So here is how I stuck with it. I got vegan cookbooks to learn what to cook. I didn’t know what I was going to eat if I was going to eat all the vegetables. I was job sharing so I had time! I had four days off a week, so I had time to really get excited about, for the first time really truly, learning how to cook. Right around then was a small business in my hood called Eastside Compost Peddlers. People would leave their compost out and the peddlers pick it up just like it was trash pick-up day. And they would bicycle it to nearby farms to use! I loved it so much that it inspired me to create my own compost bin and learn how to compost. I
also had been going to Boggy Creek Farm, which as you know, you know that’s my happy place. I had been going with my littles but now, I made it a weekly habit. My farmer Carol Ann would teach me what to do with all these crazy vegetables I’d never even heard of or eaten, and she even had recipes for each and every one. So, she’d have a recipe. It would be written out. And then I’d ask her, “What do I do with this?” And she’d be like, “Melissa, this is what you do with it.”. Walking the farm, petting the farm dog Buddy with my little buddies Iris and Sam, and then just Sam on Fridays when Iris was in Kindergarten. This was my weekly meditation. And the farm was minutes from my home. So, it was obvious. It was attractive. It was easy. And it was so satisfying. I wasn’t rigid with my habits. I was consistent. I had a community with the farmers and learning to cook with all my new veggies, far,m and cookbook recipes made it so satisfying!
Now it’s your turn to put these principles into practice. Here is what I want you to do:
- Print out the habit tips from your workbook on page 11 and hang them somewhere you’ll see them every day.
- Now the Be Your Best Self in 2025 Challenge Action Day #4: Identify 1-3 habits you want to build in 2025. Turn to page 12 and write them down in your workbook. Make them specific, attractive, and easy to start.
- Think about your environment. What changes can you make to support these habits?
- Join a tribe where your desired behavior is the norm. For example, if your goal is to be more active, consider joining a fitness class or community.
Answer the questions. Just writing it down will make the difference. Remember, this isn’t about doing everything perfectly from day one. It’s about taking small, consistent steps that lead to lasting change. And don’t forget to share your habits in our Job Share, Live Life + Slay Work Facebook group! Share it with our community. Like, let our community be the community that helps you with these habits. I’ll link to it in the show notes. Not only will this help you stay accountable, but it’ll also enter you into the drawing for a fabulous work-life prize at the end of the challenge.
Thank you so much for joining me for Day 4 of the Be Your Best Self in 2025 Challenge! Next week, we’ll be talking about one of my favorite topics: Manifesting the life you want in 2025 and deciding who you want to BE.
Until then, keep showing up for yourself, even if it’s just 1% at a time. You’re building something amazing, and I’m so proud of you. Sending you so much love, and I’ll see you next Tuesday for Challenge Action number 5. 2025 is yours, friend! It’s all in you.